today has been pretty rough for me. maybe it’s the fact that another mother’s day is approaching or maybe it’s because the further we are in this adoption the more tender my heart gets. either way, i’ve been fighting tears all afternoon.
today, it’s hard for me to listen to my coworkers discuss their ultrasounds and hearing heartbeats. today, it’s hard to see these beautiful round-bellied women waddling the halls of my office. today, my arms feel empty and heart hurts.
i really don’t like feeling this way. i’m not typically a “woe-is-me” kind of person. i really want to rejoice with those who rejoice. but today, everything seems like a stinging reminder of what i may never get to experience. i know the Lord has not forgotten me and that He has chosen this path for us. i also know that when we are chosen by a birthmother and i hold that little baby, all of this will be so worth it. but for now, this pain is real and it hurts.
Jill said,
April 15, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Oh, Hannah!! I wish I would have stopped in to see you today. I had an appointment for my yearly exam and I looked for you, but didn’t see you. I should have demanded for someone to find my long lost Hannah!!
I miss you girl. And I’m praying for your arms to not feel empty. I’m praying that the Lord fills you up with so much of HIS love that when your little one comes home to you – you’ll be overflowing.
Love you girl!! And I will DEMAND to see you next month.
April said,
April 17, 2009 at 8:36 am
Ohhh Hannah. I just am so sorry. I know there isn’t much I can say to help you feel otherwise. I do pray Romans 15:13 for you today!
ann said,
April 17, 2009 at 11:33 am
oh hannah, honey, i’m praying for you! i understand the ache of empty arms, but later on, the memory of them makes your child that much more precious! i pray for peace for your spirit.
Mandy said,
June 24, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Hannah-
My husband and I are friends of Maris and Steven and go to fellowship…. I can’t believe we have never met! I remember that feeling and that time in my life that you are describing and my heart goes out to you! The Lord is faithful and he NEVER changes no matter how our emotions are or what we are thinking or doing. Rest in him. He will prove faithful!