i know i have been absent for longer than i care to admit but it is for a GREAT reason. we are done! done with the paperwork, done with the interviews, done with the home visit! we are now waiting to be officially approved then we can join all the other waiting families! it feels amazing to know that we have done everything we can do to hurry this process along and that the rest is completely in God’s hands. i know that this is the point He has been leading us to for the last few years and it is incredible to see all that He has done.
so, i have decided to be productive while we wait. first off, i want to be prepared for when we get THE CALL. the item we will need first is a car seat. i went with my mom to test drive a few travel systems and i was so surprised at how heavy those things are. i mean they are a beast! now i am only five foot nothing who drives an suv, so i know i need all the help i can get. i really liked this thing.
it is so lightweight, folds up really easily, and the basket is huge! but what sealed the deal for me was when my friend ran over hers with her car twice and it stills works beautifully. so if this is what i want, then i will need a graco snugride carseat like this.
we plan on using dr. brown bottles and similac formula but im lost on diapers. are yall brand snobs or do you buy whats on sale? ive heard of some babies being allergic to some, so we will deal with that if it happens.
and ive saved the best for last. baby names. i love names and their meanings. we think we have two girl names to choose from but are really slim when it comes to boy names. we have been looking through some geneology stuff and asking family members about old names. we have a few to choose from (boy and girl) but would love to hear what yall think! thanks for traveling this road with us and for your advice!
h







it was a wonderful week. tuesday night was our first training session with bethany. we discussed many things like our greatest excitement and greatest fear. we also got some great information about attachment parenting and how to be productive while waiting (can anyone say nursery!). i walked away on tuesday still thinking about the five stages of grief. i know they were discussing this for the benefit of the children we will bring home but i realized that i went through the stages with my infertility. the whole process of that took almost a year exactly. one year ago i was scared/mad to be turning 25. i did not want it and was so not happy about it. i didn’t know why…i just knew thats how i felt. it was about the same time that clay and i started to think about getting some tests run to see why we couldn’t conceive. i didn’t want to do that either…mainly because i didn’t want the word “infertility” in my chart. craziness, i know. i was scared of the number 25 and the word “infertility”. i realized on tuesday that was the first stage, shock/denial. these things were NOT happening to me. the second stage is anger. and i don’t remember being angry at anyone but i was angry at the way i handled things sometimes. it was usually when i found out someone i knew was pregnant. my first reaction was jealousy and i hated that. i wanted to be joyful with them but couldn’t seem to get past my own selfishness. the third is bargaining and i can’t say i really did this or at least i don’t remember doing it. the fourth stage, despair/depression, has been the most recent. it’s the attitude of “i don’t care anymore”. it wasn’t that i didn’t care but that i didn’t want to care so i found other things to focus on and look forward to. i tried to pretend like it didn’t matter anymore…that being a mom was not what i had looked forward to since highschool. i’ve never been the girl to have the dream career. i always wanted to be the wife and the mom. i wanted to have my house filled with the laughter of my children and their friends. but for the last few months of 2008, i tried to run away from all that. and then a simple conversation on thanksgiving break brought it flooding back. i knew adoption would be in my future, i just didn’t realize it would be my first child. and thats when the fifth stage came swooping in. i began to accept that i may never experience pregnancy and i am also beginning to understand the beauty of adoption. 

