April 25, 2009 at 5:29 am (adoption, family, fun, honesty)
thank you so much for all your sweet words and phone calls about my last post. i think the hardest part of it all was i felt horrible for feeling that way…that it was wrong. but that night, my church community group helped me realize it was okay. we discussed the psalms david wrote and how he vividly expressed his anger to God. but even though he was clearly upset he still trusted in the sovereignty of God. i will be clinging to this truth the next time i battle those feelings.
on a different note, we have the shirts!
for some reason, wordpress won’t allow me to put paypal buttons on here. so we set up another blog that will.
please visit itsthewoodpile.blogspot.com to get your shirts and to follow along on how we got to where we are now! we will start shipping the shirts middle of next week. thank you so much for your support and encouragement! we appreciate every little bit!
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April 15, 2009 at 5:15 pm (honesty, on my knees)
today has been pretty rough for me. maybe it’s the fact that another mother’s day is approaching or maybe it’s because the further we are in this adoption the more tender my heart gets. either way, i’ve been fighting tears all afternoon.
today, it’s hard for me to listen to my coworkers discuss their ultrasounds and hearing heartbeats. today, it’s hard to see these beautiful round-bellied women waddling the halls of my office. today, my arms feel empty and heart hurts.
i really don’t like feeling this way. i’m not typically a “woe-is-me” kind of person. i really want to rejoice with those who rejoice. but today, everything seems like a stinging reminder of what i may never get to experience. i know the Lord has not forgotten me and that He has chosen this path for us. i also know that when we are chosen by a birthmother and i hold that little baby, all of this will be so worth it. but for now, this pain is real and it hurts.
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March 23, 2009 at 8:10 pm (adoption, cooking, friends, fun)
this
plus this
equals
and some really happy coworkers!
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March 21, 2009 at 9:42 pm (friends, fun)
my college roommate,eryn*, and i had some pretty crazy adventures together. there was the time we took jazz dance (what?), found the dead chipmunk hanging by a noose in our fridge, and when she thought she had anthrax. but lately i’ve been thinking about the time we almost got tattoos. it was right after our first semester in college. we had just sold our books back to the store and really wanted to do something fun with that money. we decided to drive back to our hometown, just 45 minutes away, and get tattoos. she drew out a cross that she wanted and i wasn’t sure what i wanted yet. i figured i would know by the time i got there. it was raining that day and eryn didn’t like driving in the rain so i drove her car to pick up another friend and we were off. we were discussing tattoos that i could get and where to put her cross. i don’t know how i didn’t see it but i noticed too late that facing us was a big yellow school bus with the stop sign out. i slammed on the brakes but they locked and we slid on the wet road into the back of the truck in front of us. the hood of the car accordioned-up…all i could see was hood! the good news was that no one was hurt…bad news was that i wrecked my best friend’s car. i kind of took that as a sign that i didn’t need to get a tattoo. of course, eryn got the cross just two months later. she didn’t get into a car accident.
and now, eight years later, i’m thinking about tattoos again (sorry mom). i’m thinking something simple on my foot above my pinkie toe in a light pink ink because tattoos on feet fade easily. what about yall? anybody have a tattoo or want one?
*names have not been changed because let’s face it, we weren’t innocent
13 Comments
March 5, 2009 at 9:54 pm (family, friends, fun)
it was summer of 2003. i stopped into a local coffee shop to hang out with some friends and i ended up seeing an old high school friend. we talked all night long and made plans for the following day. a few months later i received an email stating that he was 100% sure that i was going to be his wife. now, six years later, as i look at him across our living room i am amazed at how i got here. i dont deserve him but am so thankful that God decided that i needed him.
while i was falling for my love, my best friend, karen, was also in love. i vividly remember the moment i knew that they were made for each other. it was a sunday morning in church and i was a couple rows behind matt. karen was a few minutes late and slipped in during a song. when she moved in beside matt they exchanged a look and i knew she would always belong at his side.
now we are all in our mid-twenties (well, except for matt…he’s old), live in different states and we still get to hang out. you see, both our husbands are musicians and enjoy christian soft rockin it together. this weekend they are playing at a women’s retreat (hence the soft rock) in alabama and next weekend we head to our old hometown to play at a disciple now. i love how God has blessed karen and i with talented husbands and that He still provides opportunities for us to hang out.
and…karen and matt…im bringing these tomorrow!
6 Comments
March 5, 2009 at 11:42 am (adoption, friends)
this has been a wonderful week for me. i’ve been a slacker with all kinds of things lately, but i had some great motivators show up this week. my sweet friend maris and beautiful boy surprised me at lunch on tuesday. if you dont know them, you need to read their story. she and her hubs are such encouragers for clay and me. talking with her this week has been motivation for me to get this paperwork done! i feel like we’ve been in waiting mode for two years and we are finally in a place where we can do something. we have gotten several things checked off our list and are almost finished!
thank you, maris and steven, for your friendship and encouragement. im so glad we will have all of eternity together! 
and…check back later tonight for a non-adoption post. two posts in one day? can it be done?
3 Comments
February 14, 2009 at 11:50 am (adoption, fun, honesty)
what a week! the ladies at work kept me crazy busy with valentine orders and i am extremely grateful! i carried this into work on thursday morning.
it was a wonderful week. tuesday night was our first training session with bethany. we discussed many things like our greatest excitement and greatest fear. we also got some great information about attachment parenting and how to be productive while waiting (can anyone say nursery!). i walked away on tuesday still thinking about the five stages of grief. i know they were discussing this for the benefit of the children we will bring home but i realized that i went through the stages with my infertility. the whole process of that took almost a year exactly. one year ago i was scared/mad to be turning 25. i did not want it and was so not happy about it. i didn’t know why…i just knew thats how i felt. it was about the same time that clay and i started to think about getting some tests run to see why we couldn’t conceive. i didn’t want to do that either…mainly because i didn’t want the word “infertility” in my chart. craziness, i know. i was scared of the number 25 and the word “infertility”. i realized on tuesday that was the first stage, shock/denial. these things were NOT happening to me. the second stage is anger. and i don’t remember being angry at anyone but i was angry at the way i handled things sometimes. it was usually when i found out someone i knew was pregnant. my first reaction was jealousy and i hated that. i wanted to be joyful with them but couldn’t seem to get past my own selfishness. the third is bargaining and i can’t say i really did this or at least i don’t remember doing it. the fourth stage, despair/depression, has been the most recent. it’s the attitude of “i don’t care anymore”. it wasn’t that i didn’t care but that i didn’t want to care so i found other things to focus on and look forward to. i tried to pretend like it didn’t matter anymore…that being a mom was not what i had looked forward to since highschool. i’ve never been the girl to have the dream career. i always wanted to be the wife and the mom. i wanted to have my house filled with the laughter of my children and their friends. but for the last few months of 2008, i tried to run away from all that. and then a simple conversation on thanksgiving break brought it flooding back. i knew adoption would be in my future, i just didn’t realize it would be my first child. and thats when the fifth stage came swooping in. i began to accept that i may never experience pregnancy and i am also beginning to understand the beauty of adoption.
so wow, that was really honest. just keeping it real right? it’s been a crazy year and now my 26th birthday is just two days away and i can’t wait to embrace it. i’m heading out to shop for a new dress, then it’s off to a movie with april because the hubs is at work. hope yall are having a wonderful valentines day!
6 Comments
February 10, 2009 at 11:47 am (adoption, family, fun)
so the cupcake pops were a huge success! the first batch is completely gone and i have orders for about 50 more. have i mentioned that i love my ladies at work? and let me just say this…God is so good! i love how He is full of surprises. after our meeting on friday, i realized how quickly everything can happen. which naturally led me to start worrying about money and the nursery and formula and diapers and list goes on and on. but in these last two days, with something as simple as cupcake pops, God let me know that He has already taken care of everything. He doesnt want me worrying, just wants me to follow Him…one step at a time. His timing is perfect.
that was sweet surprise number one. the second sweet surprise was that i found out yesterday morning that a couple, who i love so very much, is also adopting. they are already working on the homestudy, but we are practically going through all of this together. i have friends who recently adopted and they are a wonderful support. and now…having someone to walk through all of this with at the same time is such a wonderful gift! again…God is so good!
well, we have our first training session tonight and i’m not quite sure what to expect but i do have several questions for them! the bethany ladies were so wonderful friday and i am excited to be able to visit with them some more.
5 Comments
February 8, 2009 at 4:56 pm (adoption, family, fun)
my sweet mother sent me a package full of goodies and i received it on thursday. she is so thoughtful because not only did she send me some baby things but also sent stuff for the girls as well. here are a few things she sent.
she made two of these little guys out of socks and gloves! my girls love them!! of course lyla wants whichever one lucy has. mom also sent me a beautiful blanket from the dwellstudio line from target, a matching onesie, blanket and hat, and two willowtree figures. my mom is wonderful and i am so blessed to have her.
i have also been busy working on a different kind of goody. when we started thinking about adoption we also discussed different ways to raise money. we are currently working on an idea for a t shirt so be watching out for that. until then, i figured i could do something for the ladies at work. i have been making yummie rice krispie treats, packaging them all pretty and selling them for a dollar. i think i may be the most popular girl at work! these women really are a blessing to us and i am so thankful for them. one has even asked me to make some for her daughter’s class valentine party. since i will be busy with those this week, i decided to try something new. i stumbled onto bakerella and really want to try the cupcake pops. so i started last night and now am about to go make them pretty. i hope they look like this later tonight!
4 Comments
February 7, 2009 at 2:10 pm (adoption, honesty, on my knees)
i dont really know where to begin because i am still processing everything. so i guess ill just start at the beginning. before we left yesterday morning i told clay he could open his “mystery gift” and this was what was inside.
its a little onesie with a drumset screenprinted on it and it came with a hat and matching bib. his comment?…”it’s even a nice set up” haha! he thought it was cool. this is the baby item that i bought almost a year ago from etsy. i am so glad i was finally able to give to him on a very special day.
so after that we drove to nashville for the meeting. i think there were about 13ish other couples with us. the first part of the day we heard from other bethany families and the second half was spent going over paperwork. the family’s stories were so inspiring and several made me cry. the story that moved me most was from a birthmother. she remembered how alone she felt through her pregnancy and how bethany was there for her during that time. she chose an adoption plan for her child and chose a couple. then she told us about the first time they met. she had already delivered and was at the hospital. the baby was in the room with her and she asked to meet the couple she chose. and this part still makes me cry. the couple came into the room, walked past the baby and went right to this woman. they gave her flowers and told her how much they loved her and thanked her for making the beautiful choice of life. the birthmother said she felt so loved in that moment after months of feeling so lonely.
this is the mindset i pray that we keep. adoption is not about “getting a baby”, although you do. adoption is a ministry, a way to love these women, who sometimes have absolutely no one. i pray we do it well. it can only come from Christ because i am by nature a very selfish person. and so i start praying now. praying for her, that she has someone to talk to. that she knows she is loved. that she draws closer to the SAVIOR. that she is protected from rude comments and pain. that she finds peace and strength. that she has hope.
please take some time and pray for her and for women in the same situation.
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